Recuperating is Such a Slow Process

12055_10151301526723948_40133337_nWhen I skip a few days of posting, people start to wonder.  I have lots of reasons (excuses) for my silence.  Yes, I’ve been busy with three of the cutest kids in the world. We color, read stories, build with Legos, practice spelling words, watch “shows”, play hide and seek, watch kids in the pool (God help them if they need rescuing…I’m not much help these days)….But the most honest reason is probably that I’ve been feeling lousy.  I’m not loving my life these days.  (So much for the quote above.  There is nothing funny about feeling this way.  I haven’t been winning the last couple of days but I’m working on it.) The kids are wonderful and bring such joy.  It’s just that recuperation is a very slow process.  I keep thinking one of these days I’ll wake up and feel good…no pain, no nausea, more energy…but it just ain’t happening.  Patience, Mary, patience.  Rome wasn’t built in a day (and neither was my digestive system, I guess)  I’m walking every day…that’s helps.  The kids walk with me…run ahead and then wait…I am so slow. I know I’m getting stronger though.  The first couple days I couldn’t even make it around the cup de sac.  Now I’m moving faster and really could go longer.

If all goes well, I only have one more week of this feeding tube.  The goal is to be DONE with it by the time I see the doctor next Wednesday.  So every time I turn around I’m eating…a yogurt, a cheese stick, a dish of ice cream, a protein bar, some soup…So far, so good.  Hanging in there…NOT losing weight.  YAY.  (Whoever dreamed I would be cheering over not losing weight?) Unfortunately, most food leaves me feeling mildly (or not so mildly) nauseous.  So not fun.

Last night, Erin and the girls were at swim team practice, Brent was still at work and Jerry and I were home with Declan.  Declan wanted to play “plane”…he’s the pilot, we’re the passengers. He lined up the kitchen chairs the way we used to do to play train.   I couldn’t play (just felt too sick)  but Jerry played “at least 57 times” he tells me.  Declan was hilarious.  At one point, Jerry got on the “plane” and told the pilot he was taking a seat in the back so he could sleep during the flight.  Before the next “flight” Declan jumped up, got a pillow off the couch and put it on one of the chairs.  When Jerry “boarded” the plane, he told him that if he wanted to sleep, pick the seat with the pillow.  Thoughtful pilot!  And Erin rescued me when she got home, took one look at me and found her “zofran”…magic pills that make nausea disappear.  Perfect daughter.

Busy days ahead.  Lana’s godmother and her little one arrived from Philly this morning.  Sean flies in tonight.  Lana’s First Communion is Saturday evening after a full day of swim team practice, t-ball (for Declan), haircuts and styling (for the girls) and manicures (for all girls big and small)  I may skip  everything (except the T-ball game)  so I’m “perky” for the First Communion.  It would be a shame to fade just when the best part of the day came along.

Love the bottom quote but it is a run on sentence.





22 thoughts on “Recuperating is Such a Slow Process

  1. Haha! Thanks, Teach! What a joy to be surrounded by such joy when you’re feeling lousy! Love you, Mary!

  2. Thank you for telling it like it is, Mary. Boy, sometimes the way is so damn __________. (Fill in the blank: lousy, painful, hard, unjust, joyful, beautiful. And all of these at once.) I wish you precious rest and more rest. Love you

  3. Mary, thinking of you lots these days as your return home looms ever closer. Sorry you have not been feeling great, but Declan has GOT to be the best medicine…the plane game was hilarious. Relax and do what you can do. I’m sure you are looking forward to the weekend when the family is all together. Give thanks to Erin and her meds! missing you. Hi! to Jerry.

  4. Would that recovery was a”straight shot”! All the good news about your situation, all the love that surrounds you, but you still feel lousy. Would that we could make it better! We can only hold you closer in our hearts, my good friend.

  5. “One day I woke up and knew that you were gone. A new day, a new way, I knew I should see it along.
    Go your way, I’ll go mine and carry on. Rejoice, rejoice we have no choice, but to carry on.
    Carry on, love is coming, love is coming to us all!”

  6. Remember…..Kicking Ass and Taking Naps!! .
    We have been thinking of you.

  7. Sending hugs!

  8. Sorry to read about the “feeling lousy” times . . . but you don’t fool yourself – you describe exactly how it is. Special times are on the schedule for you this weekend – I hope joyful spirits will make you feel much better. Keep that junior pilot of the “plane” close by, too. What a shot of happiness Declan must provide to you and Jerry. Take care and sleep well tonight. Love, Barb G.

  9. Deirdre Christman

    I appreciate your honesty. With your positive attitude it must be hard to admit, especially to yourself, that things are not going as well as you’d hoped. I would be a miserable wretch, but you keep on truckin’. Thank god you’re surrounded by love – and thank god you can still write. I suspect there are better days ahead.

  10. Yes, recovery is a slow process. Your body has been stressed and damaged and cut. All of this was very serious trauma. Of course it will take time to heal and get strong. You’re making great progress. Be kind and gentle to yourself! One day at a time. Your body will fully recover and mormalize itself as quickly as it can. Trust its wisdom!

  11. I can so relate to the plane story. I’ve been there when those little eyes look up at you and so want to “do it again”. (for the 50th time) A fun imaginative game, that started out as hilarious fun, is just not doing it for me after 49 times. I’m not feeling it anymore. Oh but those bright excited eyes are still feeling it and they beg not to be disappointed. Jerry, thanks for taking one for the team!
    Mary, rest as much as you can. I know how much you are looking forward to Saturday. Hopefully you’ll feel a bit better. I’m still praying that it will get easier. Love ya, Mary

  12. I want to say it stinks that things aren’t moving faster. I think of you every day and hope today is better than yesterday. Keep tha t sense of humor cause you know it helps. Love the Declan pilot story! What a lovely time of day to have First Communion. Have a wonderful time with your family. Love you.

  13. Debbie George

    Bless you Mary, Jerry, and family. The love and concern of all certainly must have an impact on your recovery. Hang in there Mary! The best is yet to come. Love Nina’s message! Enjoy the weekend and all the activities!

  14. This post reminds me of my recuperation from a couple of surgeries, one 8 years ago and the other 30 years ago. In both cases, I was CERTAIN I would feel better in no time (after all, I was in good shape, right?) Wrong! In both cases, my recuperation took quite a bit longer than the doctors had told me and I was the most impatient patient ever. But when it comes, it’s incredibly wonderful! So, hang in there, Mary. Thinking of you every day (and just spoke about you last night in a talk I gave at Vassar. I want you to know you’re always an inspiration to all who hear about you and, of course, to me).

  15. All of us have been thinking about you; I know I get uneasy when you don’t post for a couple of days, restless and wondering, even though I presume that you are busy with wonderful kidlets. What a wonderful distraction they are. I wish you were feeling better – it’s so wearing not to be able to feel okay after eating. It will happen, but NOW would be good, eh. Hope you feel energetic and well enough to completely enjoy Saturday. Love, hugs and kisses to you and yours.

  16. Carol Connery

    Please know I am still in the boat with you (actually the boat is pretty crowded with all of the many people who love you), and although the waters are rough now, you are headed for a calmer journey soon. With that being said, it really sucks that you are not feeling 100% !! Love you, and it has helped me to try to take life one day at a time.

  17. Stay strong! I think of you every night, so hang in there!

  18. Sorry for the long slow drag. Not unexpected, dear friend. As my godmother used to say during hard times, “This too shall pass.” Hold onto the example of the seasons, that’s what I do. It may take time, but things will change, you can count on it! Sending love and grace—listen to the song, “Carry Me” on the CD I sent you….

  19. Linda Underwood

    I had been looking the past day or so for a message from you. It is amazing how quickly we get routinized (is that a word?) and a day or so without a Mary Message doesn’t feel right. Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling like you want to but it is good to hear that every day you see progress. I think that is the most important thing. And thank you for sharing and having the courage to be open. You are such a good role model for people like me who crawl away during the tough times. And would I ever love to see Declan playing plane! Sounds hysterical! But don’t let the pilot’s union hear about his personal service!

  20. I too was checking daily for a new post, thinking of you and sending a constant stream of healing energy. I can relate to waiting impatiently to feel like me again. It goes on and on until when you have a forgotten about waiting any longer that you suddenly know you have arrived back to you. It will come as you said before, “the body is meant to heal”. Your job is to keep taking care of yourself and believe. You are an inspiration.

  21. Karen Rafferty

    So sorry about this, but since this took me so long to comment, I know you are feeling better now.
    Love! and keep healing ~

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