You’re Gonna Do What???

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I will get there. It’s not gonna kill me. It’s gonna make me stronger, right? I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared.

We met with the surgeon this morning. It was pretty overwhelming.

So, says Dr. Mehran (best of the bunch according to my oncologist) here’s what we’re going to do.  He draws us a diagram.  “Here’s your esophagus and stomach.  Here’s where your tumor was.  We’re going to take this part of your stomach”…he draws a line across the top third of the stomach and about 2/3 of your esophagus.” He draws another line.

I’m nearly fall off my chair.  “Um,” says I , “I thought you were just going to take out a little bit.  How come so much?”

He explains that the cancer spreads up and down so “just in case” this is what they need to do.

I’m feeling a bit faint.  Jerry looks green.  I’m not sure I heard much after that except that I need to show up at 5:30 am and he’ll start around 7:45 (Central Time) and be done around 1:00 pm if all goes according to plan.  Five hours if all goes right?  How long if something goes wrong?  Poor Erin and Jerry.  I’ll be asleep (Erin assures me that she’ll be asleep too..in the waiting room.  We have to leave the house at 4:45) Maybe Jerry will take a nap too.

The best thing Dr. Mehran said was that he knows I’m worried and anxious but from now on, I just need to let go and pretend I’m floating down a river (Like in a kayak without a paddle, says I…Right he says)  They’ll take care of everything.  I don’t have to think about anything.  Just show up and they’ll take care of me until I’m ready to take care of myself again.  Fine.

We went out to dinner last night with Anne and Clark for what we thought was my “second to last supper.” Nice dinner…I had great swordfish.  Anyway, it turns out it was my “LAST” supper….from lunch time on today I’ve been on clear liquids….yum…Anne’s cooking a nice dinner for everyone.  I’ll have chicken broth and jello.  And then, no food for a long time…almost two weeks!  Can’t wait for that feeding tube.

Erin is going to post on the blog after she and dad meet with Dr. Mehran after surgery.  My guess is that would be 2:00 ET at the earliest.  She’ll also post something on Facebook.

I’m doing okay.  Just breathing (and eating my jello)…

Thank you …all of you…for your thoughts, your energy, your prayers, your support, your wise words, your good wishes…I’m more grateful to all of you than you can imagine.  I don’t think I could manage this without you.

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44 thoughts on “You’re Gonna Do What???

  1. Prayers! And then more prayers!

  2. We love you Mary! We will all have you in our thoughts and prayers tomorrow (Erin and Jerry too). Everyone has been asking about you at school. Lots of luck tomorrow and enjoy the jello 🙂

  3. Ok Mary. Your rosary went from my car on the way home to the ears of Heaven, does Heaven have ears? Well, you know what I mean. Someone told me to pray, My Mother, My Confidence. it has helped me, it will help you. That is your Mantra. We’ll all be waiting for the great news after your surgery. You won’t know, but we’ll rejoice without you. So let them take care of you and we’ll celebrate this summer. I’ll buy dinner, anything you want. YUM!!!!!
    Almost there, now you can see the other side of the rainbow.

  4. Oh Mary, we’re all going to be strong enough to bench press a Buick very, very soon!
    That letting go of control thing is the hard part, trusting, knowing that these folks have done this, and done it better than anyone on the planet, so many times. You should all (Erin, Jerry, Sean) know that all of us are going to be with them in the waiting room and with you. With our love and healing thoughts wrapped around you, Shirley

    Thank you ahead of time to Erin and Jerry for letting us know when we can breathe out huge sighs of relief tomorrow.

  5. Sending lots of love and prayers your way, Mary.

  6. You remain foremost in my thoughts. I hope you feel my love.

  7. You know that all our prayers are with you for an uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery. Two angels will be with you. Love, Suzanne

  8. I have had your surgery date on my calendar for over a month. I am ready to send all my good thoughts your way tomorrow. You have been so strong. And I know have helped so many of us learn from your strength. Now you just need to heal from this surgery. That is your only job for awhile. Linds

  9. Hello Aunt Mary,

    I want to let you know we’re all thinking of you and sending you positive energy. You’re truly strong and courages. Thank you for writing this blog so we can all follow your progress.

  10. Good Luck, Mary; you have the whole East Coast cheering for you! (Perhaps some western folks, as well…) Relax and let your feeding tube nourish you, along with all the caring thoughts from your fan club.

  11. Mary, quick open your window. I just blew you some kisses and they should be arriving any minute.
    Know my heart goes out to Jerry, Erin, Sean, and your entire family. I’ll be praying for all of you tomorrow as I await the good news of a successful surgery. Love always, Mary

  12. Prayers and positive thoughts for a successful surgery and quick recovery. Hugs and love?

  13. Wendie Highsmith

    Mary-What I focused on in this truly breathtaking discription was “where your tumor was..” Get in that kayak and just float-where it was, where it was. Focus on May–flowers, whatever, and be well again! Love, Wendie

    _____

  14. Didn’t mean to put the question mark. LOVE AND HUGS!!!!

  15. You are SO wonderful and SO inspiring and SO articulate! I can’t wait until the surgery and the recovery are finished so you can relax and forget all about this! Our thoughts will be with you tomorrow and every day!

  16. We’re with you, my friend!

  17. Aww Mary.. You WILL be ok. You may not feel great for a while, but you WILL get better. So float down that peaceful river- let others care for you- so many are praying and thinking of you. Love –
    Karen

    • Mary,
      Floating down a river in a kayak with no paddle sounds peaceful. I like the visual. Close your eyes, whisper the serenity prayer, you might need to stop-breathe-repeat. Prayers will get you through. My prayer is that you are surrounded by all the love we are sending. You are never alone. I love you.🍀😄❤️🌴🌞👍🙏🙏🙏

  18. carol connery

    Mary my heart and my prayers are with you and will be there all day tomorrow with you… Feel the love and good wishes of the many many people who care so very much about you!

    • You (along with Jerry, Erin, and Sean) will continue to be in my prayers. Sending lots of positive energy and love your way. Stay strong and positive. Keep up with that yoga breathing!

  19. Praying for you every day…extra prayers tomorrow. I can’t imagine you not being nervous, but let them take care of you. It sounds like you have amazing people in every little nook and cranny of your life….love you, Mary! You got this!

  20. Debbie George

    Okay, Mary! So this is the last of the tough stuff. You will get through this as you have done all else and pass with flying colors. Then your job will be to gain strength and recover in your usual fashion. You are the topic of our lunch conversation and all of Center School is praying for you. So, do as the good doctor says and now let them the care of you. Put it in their hands and God’s hands. Keep that positive attitude and know we all love you.
    Prayers for Jerry, Erin, and Sean. Hope they are able to give their worries to God and relax once this is behind them.
    Love and best wishes to a special friend!!!!!!

  21. Overwhelming? …. you bet, but you are the strongest, most positive person I have ever met.

    Your strong faith, positive attitude, and the love and prayers of all your friends and family will guarantee success.

    Just float !!!

  22. Elaine Weiner

    Mary,
    Your courage, humor and positive attitude have have been an inspiration to so many. We’re with you all the way sending positive thoughts and healing energy.
    Elaine

  23. Dear Mary, your job is done ! Let everyone else worry and take care of you now. I’m awed by your faith and inspiration ! Let go and let God ; your in His good hands now! Trust and rest easy! Xo

  24. Flaithimh@aol.com

    Love, prayers, good thoughts, positive outcome! Mary, much love. You will get through this. Wish we could dig a ditch for you or something tangible. To the future, Marie

  25. Best you don’t have a long time to ponder this. You are certainly justified in being frightened but u are in the best possible hands so there’s nothing more u can do…leave the praying to us. Just remember to always ask for drugs every time a medical person walks in the room…& what u don’t use, bring back for your friends! We’re with you!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  26. So much love coming your way, dear friend!

  27. We are cheering – and praying – for you out here in the Midwest, too, Mary. Float away – – they will do the rest. And “rest” is all you need to do right now – – thinking of you with love, Barb G.

  28. Deirdre Christman

    I know you’re scared, but you did everything else beautifully, so why should surgery be any different?!!! By this time tomorrow, you’ll be completely cancer free! My heart goes out to Jerry and Erin, who have to wait for you to come out of anesthesia. You, on the other hand, will be sleeping. Blissfully, I hope. And when you awake, and get what I anticipate will be good news, you can start visualizing yoga on the beach, romantic evenings with Jerry, family fun at the pool, Thanksgiving dinner, and many high-cal breakfasts with your adoring fans. Love you!

  29. Laura O'Connor

    Mary, You have so many prayers coming your way. You are a survivor!!! Prayers for Erin and Jerry too.

  30. Mary, you are surrounded with love and prayers. I’ll be storming heaven for you all tomorrow. God is our portion, a very present help in trouble……He is there with you and will see you through.
    Much love to you and your dear family.

  31. Add my positive thoughts and prayers too. Floating to the end is good.

  32. Mary, needless to say, you will be in my thoughts all day tomorrow. Sorry about the curve ball the surgeon threw your way but as someone else said, It’s probably best you did not have weeks to ponder that little bit of information! All will be well and I am so glad this is almost over for you.Breathe, relax and “float” into surgery.

  33. Yes, Mary. Go to your happy place. (Mine actually is kayaking.) Lots of love will surround you tomorrow. Close your eyes, float and let those good doctors do their work. Massachusetts hugs to you all!

  34. Thoughts, prayers, positive energy headed your way. You have come this far and you will get through this. You are on the prayer list at St. Brendan’s in Clearwater…St. Brendan the Navigator…good image. Someone else must navigate and you must float.

  35. Dorothy Cresswell

    Wow—in this situation truly you will have zero control for awhile, oh mighty one of goals and doing it all! The Easter theme is transformation, and your particular challenge this Easter is truly taking you into a time of letting go and being held by so many and just picture looking back at this NEXT Easter. Meanwhile you are absolutely loved and do not have to do a thing until you feel like it. Close your eyes and picture us all with you!

  36. Mary, You are almost there. I’ll be with you (in reiki) during the surgery and through the next few days. Be brave.

  37. Prayers from West Virginia and many thanks to Erin for keeping us all informed.

  38. Cranky; pissed off; grumpy… That’s the least of it! You have a right to all of it, but I know you’ll continue to be hopeful, generous, and loving. My thoughts will be with you throughout this time.

  39. Dear Friend…
    Twice we have handed our youngest daughter over to a surgeon to have her broken heart repaired…once at 10 months old and once at 21. Yes we were scared but both times we were amazed and in awe of the skill and compassion of these talented people. You…will be…in the hands of someone blessed with those same talents. Mary, you have been so strong and so courageous and now it is time to let this team of special souls be strong and courageous for you. You, your family, and your surgeon and his team will be in my prayers. Luv you oxoxooxx

  40. Gillis Louise

    I’m saying a prayer for you and sending good thoughts your way. I’ll be so glad for you when you are all better and through with dealing with this.

  41. Caporaso Jean

    Hi Mary,

    You are a survivor!!!!! Please know that I will be praying for a successful surgery as well as a rock-solid recovery. I know all of our prayers will be answered and you will be back to doing the things you enjoy real soon. Stay strong and … I love you.

    I am hugging you ☺

    Jeannie

    Purchasing Services Specialist
    School Board of Sarasota County
    101 Old Venice Road
    Osprey, FL 34229
    PH: 941-486-2183 Ext. 68490
    Fax: 941-486-2188

  42. We’re with you, Mary….all day and all night and for the next two weeks and forever.

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