I will get there. It’s not gonna kill me. It’s gonna make me stronger, right? I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared.
We met with the surgeon this morning. It was pretty overwhelming.
So, says Dr. Mehran (best of the bunch according to my oncologist) here’s what we’re going to do. He draws us a diagram. “Here’s your esophagus and stomach. Here’s where your tumor was. We’re going to take this part of your stomach”…he draws a line across the top third of the stomach and about 2/3 of your esophagus.” He draws another line.
I’m nearly fall off my chair. “Um,” says I , “I thought you were just going to take out a little bit. How come so much?”
He explains that the cancer spreads up and down so “just in case” this is what they need to do.
I’m feeling a bit faint. Jerry looks green. I’m not sure I heard much after that except that I need to show up at 5:30 am and he’ll start around 7:45 (Central Time) and be done around 1:00 pm if all goes according to plan. Five hours if all goes right? How long if something goes wrong? Poor Erin and Jerry. I’ll be asleep (Erin assures me that she’ll be asleep too..in the waiting room. We have to leave the house at 4:45) Maybe Jerry will take a nap too.
The best thing Dr. Mehran said was that he knows I’m worried and anxious but from now on, I just need to let go and pretend I’m floating down a river (Like in a kayak without a paddle, says I…Right he says) They’ll take care of everything. I don’t have to think about anything. Just show up and they’ll take care of me until I’m ready to take care of myself again. Fine.
We went out to dinner last night with Anne and Clark for what we thought was my “second to last supper.” Nice dinner…I had great swordfish. Anyway, it turns out it was my “LAST” supper….from lunch time on today I’ve been on clear liquids….yum…Anne’s cooking a nice dinner for everyone. I’ll have chicken broth and jello. And then, no food for a long time…almost two weeks! Can’t wait for that feeding tube.
Erin is going to post on the blog after she and dad meet with Dr. Mehran after surgery. My guess is that would be 2:00 ET at the earliest. She’ll also post something on Facebook.
I’m doing okay. Just breathing (and eating my jello)…
Thank you …all of you…for your thoughts, your energy, your prayers, your support, your wise words, your good wishes…I’m more grateful to all of you than you can imagine. I don’t think I could manage this without you.