71510_10152215455584610_1856456588_nWe’ve been home since Friday night and it’s so good to be here.  Friends have stopped by and visited (and when I get tired I tell them it’s time for me to go to bed) and it’s warm and sunny and heavenly.  However, I have been at my worst since the whole process began…really weak, finding it hard to get anything down, vomiting up anything that gets down, sleeping a lot, and losing weight every day.   Not great.  Jerry wanted me to call the doctor.  I told him no.  What I’m going through lots of people go through for weeks. They warned me that the last week of chemo/radiation and the first week home were most likely to be my worst.  If I’m still pathetic by next Monday, I’ll call them and see what I should be doing that I’m not doing.

What I’m doing it taking it slow. I’m drinking smoothies made of kale, Ensure, yogurt, fresh fruit, and a scoop of powdered protein.   All I can taste is the blueberries and raspberries…they go down and stay down and are loaded with calories and protein.  I make a big one in the morning and sip on it all day.  I know I need more but it’s a start.

And I’m walking …fifteen minutes in the morning, fifteen in the afternoon.  I figure I’ll add a few minutes each day.

And I’m trying to get up off the couch every hour and do SOMETHING (I’m starting to set an alarm)…throw a few dishes in the dishwasher, throw some laundry in the dryer, put a few more things away (bags are unpacked).    Little things…nothing too strenuous, trust me.  I have turned into a serious couch potato.

I’ve loved seeing people.  Florida friends have been by and slowly but surely I’m getting caught up on what’s going on around town.  My friend, Kate Sullivan, a Wisconsin snowbird, stopped by yesterday…how wonderful to laugh and gab with her for awhile.  Karen Rafferty, a dear friend from Longmeadow,  stopped by this morning. Karen and I were hired for Center School at the same time…two newbies who became friends immediately and have remained so.  I am so very grateful for all my friends…old and new..who have hung in there with me through all this.  I’m the luckiest one…

Better days are coming.  It’s gorgeous out and one of these days (tomorrow??) I might actually get to yoga.  I thought I’d be there by now, but so far that seems way too much.

Two other pics…just fun ones I liked.  Jerry continues to be the ever patient, perfect husband.  How he does it, I’ll never know.  He’s going out golfing with friends this afternoon.  It’s probably the first thing he’s done for himself in months.  I told him to go out for supper with the guys if they want to (Karen, we figure John needs company anyway) I’m not the most exciting dinner companion.  Perfect weather for golf.  None of the guys have been out in months so they’re warning each other that they aren’t up to their best…should be interesting to see if anyone can actually hit the ball.



15 thoughts on “Whaaaat?

  1. Mary please rest! Give your body a chance to recover. You’ll have plenty of time to exercise and do “jobs” later. I’m serious. I know that you want to be in control of this but please go on auto pilot for awhile. Let other people help. Love you, Mary

  2. Gosh- so sorry for these miserable times, Mary – the period you go through before the butterflies fly through your window again. Hooray for those creative-sounding smoothies. Cartoons at the bottom were fun to see – your good humor, as always, including happy thoughts in your posts. Love, Barb G.

  3. You would do exactly the same for Gerry. We’re lucky to have such good husbands (and they’re lucky to have us!). I think of you every day, Mary.

  4. Why on earth are you trying to conquer Rome in a day? Not like you. REST…REST…REST is what your body is demanding loudly and clearly. You should heed this call. Feet up, book in hand, pleasant music and philosophical thoughts would be perfect plus lots of easily eaten berries. (As wonderful as kale is, I still can’t get excited about it.) Do yourself as favor and rest.

    On another note, d o glad friends are stopping by. Florida welcomes you home snd soothes the souls of us northerners who pay you a visit.
    Be well, get well, smile in the sun.
    Call the docs

  5. Love th3 cartoons. I’ll see you soon. Just rest and don’t worry about being a couch potato. Remember, baby steps. Love, Gayle

  6. How lucky you are to be home. Now you have to just relax and feel sick. Don’t be trying to overcome how crappy you feel by thinking if you just get up and keep going you can control how you feel. The nurses know what they are talking about from the experience of all the others who have come before you. It is OKAY to feel lousy…for now anyway. Remember, sleep repairs and you would be the first to say that to someone else. So, sleep the yuks away. There is plenty of time tomorrow or the next day to start building back.

  7. I agree! Sleep, rest, re-hydrate, watch dumb t.v. programs, read if you can, drink smoothies, visit with friends, watch Olympic ice skating, listen to music, open all the windows and breathe the fresh air, SLEEP, REST, REPEAT! Your body knows that it needs lots of R&R so it can concentrate on healing. Everything else can wait!

  8. Ditto all the loving friends’ responses. Take that beautiful heart and soul and enter into a peaceful time. When it was my turn the doctor said I had a chance of getting well if I treated myself like I was at a spa. Since I have zero inclination for that sort of thing I was confused. Then Dusty re-framed it as, “a prolonged retreat.” Oh!!! THAT sounded wonderful! And yes, friends for a bright spot in the day, but just for a while and then back on retreat. Whatever works for you to embrace resting so that your body can muster the reserves to recover….you choose the language that works for you. And thanks for those cartoons!

  9. I am so sorry you are not feeling well but happy you are home where you will be most comfortable. You are very good at listening to what your body needs along with your energy levels, I say sleep. If you remember in The Fault of the Stars, in which you get your POCs, “sleep cures cancer.” Early on in this journey you wondered how the bad guys would leave your body, gas and farting declared an option, but I think this is part of that process. You will be feeling better soon and back at yoga before long. Stay strong.

  10. Hang in there, Mary. Remember that it’s temporary. Lousy and uncomfortable, but temporary. Again, we thank you for your candor and honesty. So proud to be your friend.

  11. Hang in their Mar, just a shower and clean clothes everyday…. That’s an accomplishment!

    And skip the kale/yogurt and get some Oreo cookie/ice cream shakes going. Holy cow if you can eat whatever you want and not fear gaining weight, then at least indulge!

    • Well you may feel crappy but you look fabulous!
      Keep resting my friend and drinking those smoothies. Srength will come!
      Live! Karen

  12. There’s not much I can add to what has already been said. And I am the worst patient ever when it comes to taking care of myself and resting. I’m just not programmed that way. But, that being said, you have gone through so much and you need to reserve your strength because you still have a ways to go. You went through chemo and proton therapy to get ready for round 2. Giving your body much needed rest is another way to get ready. Hope you are feeling better soon.

    All my love!

  13. hey Mary so glad that you are home and I’m hoping you are feeling so much better now. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you with warm thoughts ofbetter days to come.here’s to you walking on the beach very very soon lots of love carol

  14. It sucks that you are going though this tough time, but listen to all the smart people who have left you messages ahead of me. Be a couch potato (join me please!) and rest, rest rest! Enjoy your friends and take it slow. I like Jackie’s idea about the shakes too. Love, Gi a

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