Kim has been here this week. It’s been wonderful. We’ve done a LOT of sitting around and talking. Clark was away and so poor Jerry had to put up with three sisters who NEVER stopped talking (You can guess who was the worst offender) We went out to some great places for lunch. Kim and Anne did a huge puzzle ( I am NOT a good puzzle person). It was a quiet, easy-going, slow week and I loved every minute of it.
Kim is staying until Sunday but we’re heading out of town after an 11:30 doctor’s appointment….heading up to Flower Mound for Calli’s birthday. We haven’t seen the kids in a month…way too long. I felt badly about leaving Kim but there’s lots to do here. Anne and Clark and Jill are around. They have great plans for the weekend.
My dad sent me a piece from the New York Times yesterday. The title was “How Much Time Do I Have Left?” I cringed. I didn’t know if I was ready for this. I put it aside and finally worked up my nerve to read it. It was fabulous.
Here are my favorite parts. This one:
I began to realize that coming face to face with my own mortality, in a sense, had changed both nothing and everything. Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. But now I knew it acutely. The problem wasn’t really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.
And this one:
I remember the moment when my overwhelming uneasiness yielded. Seven words from Samuel Beckett, a writer I’ve not even read that well, learned long ago as an undergraduate, began to repeat in my head, and the seemingly impassable sea of uncertainty parted: “I can’t go on. I’ll go on.” I took a step forward, repeating the phrase over and over: “I can’t go on. I’ll go on.” And then, at some point, I was through.
If you want to read the entire article…It’s long but wonderful. My dad knows good writing when he sees it.
A few more dates on the calendar. We’re heading back here on March 18. Appointments for restaging and surgery prep (echocardiogram,), another endoscopy, etc begin March 20. My guess (it’s only a guess) is that surgery will be around March 31 after the results of the CT or PET scan, endoscopy etc are in and I’ve met with the doctors. So things are moving along.