I think we’ve started counting down. Twelve more Ptoton treatments, two more chemo Mondays. I talked to the doctor today about “next steps”. I always have a short list of questions. One I already knew the answer to but not the why. It amazes me…When you’re done with treatment, you just go home. No tests to see how it worked. I remember after radiation for breast cancer having to wait until that first mammo months later to find out if everything was REALLY gone.
Because, Dr Nguyen explained, the chemo and radiation keep working after treatment ends. If they checked right away they wouldn’t have an accurate picture. They need to wait about a month or so.
Next question was when would the “restaging” and surgery be scheduled. I know they said four to six weeks after treatment was over but I’m looking for a date on the calendar. She said to remind her next week and she’d email the surgeon about it….that we could get the dates for restaging, prep for surgery and surgery all settled before we took off. (Good. I want to know exactly when I need to be back) That’s when they’ll do a CT or PET scan and be able to tell how well all this stuff worked. (That will be a scary day! Can you imagine the people who come to that and find out it didn’t do anything or that the cancer has spread?)
And the surgery….usually one day in ICU, four more in the hospital and then two weeks more in Houston before we head home if I feel well enough to travel.
Okay, now I think I have the picture. At least most of it. I just want to get those dates nailed down.
I’m still doing incredibly well. There’s still time to get slammed….I know that …but it’s becoming less and less likely that I’m in for a lot of trouble. I am one very lucky woman.
My good friend, Susie Zavodnyik sent me the following. It is absolutely perfect and says it so much better than anything else. I need hang on to this for days when I’m discouraged about anything.
A SENSE OF JOURNEY
JOHN S. DUNNE
To stay in the joy I have to stay on the journey, letting go of the things I wanted to be otherwise, praying “Keep me friendly to myself, keep me gentle in disappointment”.
For as I meet with disappointment I am tempted to get stuck. I have to go on, therefore on the Road that goes on and on, to take things as meant, knowing that the bird cannot fly as long as it is tied by a thread of attachment, to take things as signs when they move in the direction of peace and sustenance and healing and life, to listen to my heart speak and discern between the journey’s direction and that of simple resignation to the inevitable, to know that there is a way when there seems to be no way, to know that the the Road goes on even when it seems to have come to a dead end.
Page 37, READING THE GOSPELS